


Another Ex-Boyfriend on Your List

by daikenkai



Series: SP Drabble Bomb [5]
Category: South Park
Genre: F/M, Gen, High School Reunion, M/M, Past Relationship(s), South Park Drabble Bomb, here have a cute fic with my signature dialogue, introspective, past Stan/everyone basically, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 00:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14726117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daikenkai/pseuds/daikenkai
Summary: Craig gets curious about Stan's exes while they're in a room full of them. Just curious.Ex for the May 2018 Drabble Bomb!





	Another Ex-Boyfriend on Your List

**Author's Note:**

> **Ex**.
> 
> back on my dialogue bullshit it seems. Thanks to scarlettshazam for acting as beta!

The Park County High 10-year Reunion. Stan Marsh was always going to go, excited to see all his old friends. What he wasn’t expecting was going with Craig Tucker. If you’d asked him ten years ago he’d maybe have gone with Kyle, as friends. They were still on weird terms at that point. Or maybe he’d have gone with Wendy, or no one at all. He was willing to bet no one else would expect the turn of events either.

They’d been in their old high school gym for what seemed like hours now and Craig was really, really, not good at faking nice to people he hated. He hadn’t hated everyone, but all of his old friends had forgone the event so he was stuck being “nice” to Stan’s friends. All twenty-billion of them. “Remind me how and why I agreed to come here?”

“Because you love me? Okay, I’m pretty sure I fucked you into it.”

Craig scoffed over his pisswater beer and rolled his eyes. “Makes sense because I wouldn’t have agreed to this otherwise. So,” Craig asked, scanning the room, “just exactly how many people did the town bicycle fuck?”

"Hey now," Stan interjected. "I am not the town bicycle. That's Butters -- or maybe Kenny. I just...dated. A lot. I was depressed and unmedicated and bored so like. I got around."

“You always seemed like such a good boy to me,” Craig said, gagging as he got to the bottom of the bottle. He set it aside and gave Stan the signal for ‘one moment’ while he pulled out another drink coupon and got something else, a vodka soda with lime. One of the only good things about the reunion was someone, likely power couple Wendy and Token, had paid for them to have an open bar. All they had to do was redeem tickets for their drinks and Craig had sneaked around to pull off a sleeve of tickets, zigzag-folded and neat in his pocket. If he had to be here, he was going to be drunk.

Craig headed back to their table but when he saw Stan talking away, he decided he was not nearly drunk enough to deal with that and took his drink outside with him to smoke, where he ran into people with whom he actually didn’t mind conversing.

The Goths were very much the same. No one had heard from Firkle since he became Emo and left the Goths proper, but Henrietta, Michael, and Pete -- who was absent, currently -- were still exactly the same as they always had been. They still dressed way too fancy for every event they attended, but that was part of their charm. They were so into themselves they hadn’t even noticed him, it seemed.

“I’m shocked you decided to show up here.” Michael noticed Craig as soon as he’d stepped foot outside and invaded their space.

“I could say the same about all of you. Don’t you guys, like,” Craig put on his best Valley-girl-vocal-fry voice, “ _hate everyone_?”

“Not everyone,” Michael snapped, impressed at how easily Craig could sound like them. “But, like, most everyone.”

Henrietta shrugged and used her left hand to take a long drag from her fancy cigarette holder. “It was free and I rather enjoy the schadenfreude that comes from people-watching.”

Craig couldn’t help but notice a ring on Michael’s left hand too and took a long sip of his drink. “Yeah, Stan dragged me here. If it wasn’t free I’d have still come but I’d have guilted him into buying my ticket. It’s really important to him. Or something.”

“Well yeah,” Henrietta mused. “He was, like, the star quarterback or some shit. And he was pretty popular. I fucked him once.”

Well. “Jesus, who hasn’t he fucked?”

Michael smirked. “Me.”

“Because I am the only person you’ve fucked,” Henrietta interjected, her response scaring Michael into silence.

Craig couldn’t help but laugh as he took another sip, fishing out his cigarettes and taking a long drag. “Don’t feel bad, Michael, I haven’t had sex with many people either. More than one,” he grinned, unable to resist a jab, “but, like, not many. Kinda grew up being with Tweek so I didn’t really know much else.” Even thinking about Tweek brought out a painful twinge in his stomach. He sucked on the filter until the burn ceased his stomach pain. It was always amazing what good a cigarette would do for him.

“So like. What happened?” Michael had kind of figured something had gone down between them but he wasn’t friendly enough with Craig or Tweek to inquire. It wasn’t like any of his friends had facebook, either. News in their town spread like wildfire over facebook, one of the many reasons the goths made a pact to forgo it.

Craig shrugged as he took a particularly long drag. “To be honest with you? I don’t even remember. We had a big fight over something really stupid. I think at that point I felt like we’d been forced into our relationship and it didn’t feel like we were doing it for us and when I told him that, he freaked out on me. He showed up on my parents’ doorstep with my belongings from the place we shared and just fucking. Set my shit on fire. Right in front of me. Never heard from him again.”

The both of them stared wide-eyed at Craig and talked over eachother. “Holy shit, dude.” “And you didn’t murder him?” “You didn’t press charges?” “What the actual fuck?”

Craig shrugged. “My parents taught me to be the bigger person. It’s not like I couldn’t just rebuy everything he burned. He burned all the photos we had together, which sucked, but maybe he was doing me a favor.”

“That’s so goth. You’re so noncomformist you don’t even react when your ex breaks up with you.” Michael looked down as he took a drag.

“Yeah, well, I was numb.”

“You said Stan was your date, right?” Henrietta knocked Craig out of his mid-drag trance. She went on, “You might wanna check on him. Pete went inside to piss but hasn’t been out here in twenty minutes. He might be in there stealin’ your man.”

Craig rolled his eyes and knew there was no real threat but he ought to go back anyway. He tossed the butt and smushed it under the toe of his sneaker. “We should catch up for real. And congrats on the, uh, the thing.” He made an awkward gesture to his own left hand and to both of theirs before grabbing his drink and heading back inside.

Everyone inside was either dancing or flirting with old crushes from eons ago and his table wasn’t any different. Stan had gathered quite the array of people to the table, and Pete was among them, making googly-eyes at Stan. He could swear Pete had a boyfriend. Whatever, Craig flirted with dudes all the time; he couldn’t help it. No shame in harmless flirting.

Craig waited for the crowd to disperse before he joined him again, arm around his waist. “Out of all the people in this room, who have you dated?”

“Really, dude? Does it matter that much?”

“I’m just curious.”

“Fine. Wendy was my on-and-off person for so long I kinda forgot how to just be Stan.” Craig knew that sensation all too well. “After Wendy I...blossomed. I dunno, the football team was really cool about my bisexuality. I was with Kyle. Then for a bit it was Wendy _and_ Kyle. We were a pretty powerful throuple until all the jealousy. Uh…. I had a fling with Henrietta but I don’t know that I’d call her my ex. I kissed Gary a lot. When I was back on my goth bullshit Pete and I had a thing. We dated for kind of a long time too. I swear I’m not just a serial dater! Anyone else was either so minimal or so inconsequential I don’t even remember. All I care about is being with you, now.” As he spoke, his voice went a little higher and his speech quickened. Craig lunged forward and kissed Stan to stop his manic thoughts but just to remind him that he was here and _they_ were here, together.

“I don’t care, Stan.”

“Then why did you ask?”

“Just curious. The Goths asked me about my awful breakup with Tweek and it just made me… curious, I dunno.”

“Oh shit, I remember that. Facebook wouldn’t shut up about it.” Stan paused before speaking again. “Do you miss him?”

Craig narrowed his eyes. “Would you miss an ex who burned all your shit in front of you?”

“Fair.”

“It’s normal to miss things about your exes, Stan.” Craig shrugged. “I’m not, like, gonna leave you over it. And I don’t _really_ care how many people you’ve dated. I’m comfortable enough _with you_ to know we have nothing to worry about.”

Stan leaned in for a much longer kiss than before, making it known to everyone exactly who he was with and why he was here. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now let’s go home. I’m done reliving my high school bullshit.” Stan was not allowed near the bar so Craig bestowed upon the goth kids all the drink tickets before strolling out.

  


**Author's Note:**

> come scream at me on [tumblr](http://xigbarf.tumblr.com)!


End file.
